Funny things tourists say, in Venice
Written by Madeline Jhawar
The exchanges below were overheard and recorded by the tourist organization Venessia.com on their Facebook page and made me laugh out loud, so I translated a few of my favorites and in some places added comments in parentheses for clarification.
1) Spanish couple: Excuse me, would you tell me where I can get a vaporetto to Florence?
2) Dialogue between a woman and her child in Campo San Giovanni e Paolo:
Child, pointing to the transparent plastic pieces that protect the sculptures: “Mamma, what are those boards for?”
Mamma: “nothing, honey, they’re just magnifying lenses so that people can see the details of the statues better.”
3) Frenchman: “The vaporetto tickets are valid for one hour, correct? So can I decide which hour I want to use it for? For example could I use it for half and hour today and half an hour tomorrow?”
4) Overheard on a foggy day, on a full boat leaving the Fondamente Nuove, by a French tourist: “look we’re going into the open sea!” Pointing at the island of Murano, “And look, there’s Croatia!”
5) The other day, in front of my house I saw a family of Nordic tourists – a mother, a father and two children – who had just gotten off a vaporetto. The smallest child, probably 8 or 9 years old, was on a leash and was wearing a life jacket!
6) From a Sicilian couple: “Excuse me, would you tell us where the Egyptian museum is?”
Me: “I think it’s in Turin”
Couple: “No, it should be in Venice. It’s extremely famous. And that big tower in front of us – what’s that?”
Me: “It’s the San Marco bell tower”. I felt like saying it was the Mole Antonelliana.
7) From an Italian tourist: “Excuse me I am looking for ‘Calle'”
Me: “Calle what?” [Streets in Venice are called Calle]
Italian: “Calle! A street that is called Calle!”
8) An American tourist, pointing at the North Lagoon, asks: “Is this the Grand Canal?”
Me: “no, sir, it’s the Lagoon”
Tourist: “Oh, I thought it must be the Grand Canal since the other one {indicates Grand Canal} seemed small”
9) Tourist from Atlanta: “It’s raining today so there’s nothing to do in Venice”
Me: “Ma’am Venice has many amazing museums”
Tourist: “Well I heard that Mestre has malls. When it rains at home we go to the mall to go shopping, so I think I’ll go there.” [Mestre is a suburb of Venice and people often stay in Mestre to visit Venice, never the other way around.]
Written by Madeline Jhawar
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