Italy Beyond the Obvious

4 things I wish I knew before my student exchange to Italy

 

Two decades ago this month, I was on the plane on my way back to Canada after a year abroad with AFS. I've since spent five of the last 20 years living and working in Italy, and with each experience (as a nanny, a tour guide, a corporate expat), I learned a huge amount. But the learning could have been a little less painful that first year had I been able to give my 18-year old self some advice. Despite the fact that I likely would not have taken it, if I could go back in time, here are four things I would tell my young self before my student exchange to Italy.

 

1. People live in smaller spaces. You grew up in that big house with the big back yard and a bedroom all to yourself. Well guess what? Land is plentiful in the Canadian prairies, and the Milan apartment you'll share with your host family costs 4 times that house and is a quarter of the size. You'll need to be much neater, make do with less personal space, and respect how common areas are used. And you'll need to get into the habit of using less electricity and less water.

 

2. Italians get angry and then they're done. It may seem like your host family is angry with you all the time, but they really, truly are not. When they get angry, it does not represent pent-up anger they've been holding on to. And when they're done, the anger is gone. Two seconds later, they are no longer angry. It's a different way of expression, and will take some getting used to.   

 

3. Religion is important. You may think that religion is intellectually interesting, for the stories and the history and the culture, but don't bring that up. Go to church with your host family and don't assume their beliefs are flexible. Probably a topic of conversation to avoid for the first few months or unless they ask you directly (and then of course, be honest). 

 

4. Work on relationships, not your travel checklist. You're young, and you'll be back. There is so much to see in Italy, and if you get the opportunity to see some of it during your exchange year, that's fantastic. But if your host family expects you to stay home and participate in family life, you need to do it. The relationships you build will allow you to come back again and again. In particular, spend time with your host mother in the kitchen. It will be worth every second.

 

Do any of these resonate with those of you who have lived in Italy or done a student exchange?

 

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Three favorite Italian songs

When an Italian classmate asked about the lyrics to a Bob Marley song, it was a lightbulb moment for me. We were on a field trip from Milan to Assisi, and the song was playing on the bus. Even though I'd heard it many times, beyond the refrain I had no idea what Bob Marley was singing. More significantly, I knew that just listening to it again would not help. And yet my Italian classmate thought his English must be terrible because he couldn't understand the lyrics. 

So English-speakers-learning-Italian rejoice: you can (eventually) understand the lyrics to most Italian songs just by listening. Below are three of my favorite songs, each picked not only for the music and the lyrics but for a language-learning milestone. And coming soon: a few posts on my friend Guido's picks for the best Italian songs, ever.

 

1) Il Gatto e La Volpe, Edoardo Bennato

I learned this song my very first week in Italy - when I spoke absolutely no Italian - as an AFS exchange student during orientation week. Our Italian hosts played the guitar, and we sang this over and over, sitting around a campfire on Lake Como. We foreigners could only sing a few words from the refrain, but I'll never forget them.

2) Non l'hai mica capito, by Vasco Rossi

Apart from the fact that I just like this song (and Vasco Rossi is just, well, Vasco), at the time I heard it, I was trying to figure out how the Italian expressions "ti voglio bene" and "ti amo" were different. In English they both translate as "I love you", though the former is used for family and friends, and the latter is what we'd associate with "in love". As a linguist, I find it fascinating that certain cultures and languages express this nuance with different words, while others, like English, rely on context. 

3) Le Cose in Comune by Daniele Silvestri

I don't remember where I first heard this song, but I'd already learned Italian, and the tongue-in-cheek lyrics about relationships made me smile. The lyrics are about everything the two people have in "common", including both being born in the '60s, ordering the same potatoes at the same restaurant, and even having the same bones. And not only that. Silvestri sings: "when I sleep, you sleep. When I cry, you cry. When I laugh, you laugh....". And if you listen carefully, you'll hear my favorite line: "when I cry, you laugh...."

While I was writing this post, I found out about a brand new website dedicated to learning Italian through music, and submitted my 3 songs. So if you're interested in the full lyrics in Italian or their English translation, head over to Italyrics!

Are there any Italian songs that have helped you learn the language? Write them in the comments, or go submit them to Italyrics!

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Guest post on expat+HAREM about my expat experiences

I was honored when the expat+HAREM editor asked me to do a guest post for their site, which is dedicated to aspects of the expatriate experience. My post is up today, and you can read it here.

If you've ever lived abroad or have an expatriate in the family, take some time to explore the posts and conversations on the site, which does a great job giving the reader bite-sized (300 words or less!) food for thought. And the comments are just as interesting as the posts!

Four reasons to take photos of Italian signs

 
 

Signs are one of those things we rely on and use constantly, but as tourists we often don't see them as a photo opportunity. Here's why I think you should snap a few photos of signs on your trip to Italy:

• you'll be hearing Italian all around you from the minute you get off the plane until the minute you get back on, and it can be tiring navigating a foreign language 24/7 - but when you get home I can almost guarantee you'll miss hearing it. Taking photos of Italian signs is a great way to infuse your photos with the Italian language.

• It's a great way to record cultural differences. For example, take a photo of the sign that said "chiuso" (closed) on the day you didn't know what to do when it seemed like everything was closed. Or just take photos of "pizzeria" or "bar" signs. I found this sign so culturally interesting that I wrote a blog post about it.

• If you're driving in Italy, of course you'll need to show your friends back home some of the different road signs you had to deal with, and the useful way they are color-coded.

• There are lots of pretty signs worth a photo. Made of marble, carved in wrought iron, or made of mosaics.

If you're on Facebook and you understand Italian, you'll be rolling on the floor laughing at this collection of hilarious and odd Sicilian signs!

This post is part of Delicious Baby's Photo Friday - go check out the other photos!

Photo of Attenti al Cane (Beware of dog) by Sanjay

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Five Italian words with unsatisfying English equivalents

If I'm speaking English with someone who I know speaks or understands Italian, I tend to inject the words below into conversation rather than use the English approximation. The Italian version is just better! Have a look at the five words below (in no particular order) and let me know if you agree, and whether there are others you'd add.

 

Anzi

AHN|zee

Anzi can be translated as "on the contrary". Simple, right? Except in English it's a mouthful. In Italian it's a one-word zinger, ideal for the end of a sentence. For example, "It's not that I don't want to.... anzi". Meaning: I want to very much. Saying "It's not that I don't want to...on the contrary" just doesn't cut it. 

Magari

mah|GAH|ree

One definition of this word is "maybe", but a more interesting use of the word is to mean "I wish!", or "If only!", as in "Come with me on vacation!" ("Dai vieni con me in vacanza!"), and the response: "Eh... magari!". This one goes well with the hand signal that means what the heck are you talking about ....as if I could.

Sveglia/o

sv|EH|lyah

Sveglia means "awake", and it means "alarm clock", but the "sveglia" I like is an adjective defined in the dictionary as "clever", which isn't a perfect translation. It's a big compliment to be called "sveglia" or "sveglio", and personally I'd prefer to be "sveglia" than clever. Someone who is "sveglia/o" may not be brilliant or have lots of degrees or have solved some complex problem, anzi (none of those may apply). More likely it means that they are with it, they get it, they're quick, they're perceptive. 

Pazienza

pah|tzee|EN|zah

"Pazienza" is also a one-word zinger that does translate as "patience", but in the same situation in English we'd say "don't worry about it" or "go with the flow", with a shrug. The thing about "pazienza", is that in Italy you need quite a lot of it, so what makes the Italian word so different from the English, for me, is its cultural weight.

Auguri

ow|GOO|ree

If it's someone's birthday, you say "auguri!". If it's New Year's Day, you say "auguri!". It's the equivalent of the English "happy" in "happy birthday" or "happy new year", except just saying "happy!" in English would get you odd looks, of course.  
 

Got any to add or any other examples of how you use the words above? Please post in the comments!

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The best graffiti in Italy

Rule #38 of Robert Reid's "44 Little Travel Rules No One Tells You" is to take photos of things that might change. I couldn't agree more (and I wish I had photos of the pink snakeskin fashion craze that hit Milan in 2001!) A fabulous subject in this category is graffiti. Pay attention to graffiti in Italy and you'll notice political themes, sports themes, the usual swear words, and my favorite: love graffiti. 

As someone who has had to scrub gang-related graffiti from my front fence here in Chicago, I don't condone graffiti per se - though street art is great - but where else in the world can you find graffiti about everlasting love?

 
 

I also find political graffiti interesting, though I'm sure a lot of it is over my head. But I'll include one example below of "good herbs / bad herbs". The lower symbol above the Erba Cattiva (bad herbs) is the political party Lega Lombarda.

And here's a photo of soccer graffiti, done by a fan of one of Milan's teams, Inter. 

I Love You photo taken in Lucca by Sanjay; Photo of bench by Auro; Photo of political graffiti by Gabba Gabba Hey; 

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Business Meetings in Italy: 5 Tips for Foreigners

When I moved to Italy for the third time, it was for an expatriate assignment at a company I'd been at for 4 years. It's not an overstatement to say that the first few months were traumatic: finalizing my work visa was a bureaucratic nightmare; I couldn't find an apartment; my boyfriend at the time (now husband) was living in Sweden; and even though I spoke Italian and knew how to do my job, there was a disconnect at work. This post is about the work part, and some things I learned the hard way.

It may be relevant to note my frame of reference: before my 2.5 year assignment in Milan, I'd worked in a corporate environment in the US and in a corporate environment in Stockholm. My customers were internal: I worked with business processes, IT, finance, and operations with colleagues in Italy, France, Spain and (yes) Israel. Here's what I learned about working with Italians.

1. Coffee break time is just as important as official meeting time

If you accomplish only one thing during your business trip, it should be to build relationships with your Italian contacts. If you've done that, the details you didn't get to can be sewn up by phone, email, or video conference when you get home. So make the time to chat in the hallway or by the water cooler. Ask them about themselves and their country, and accept offers to go for an espresso (which may literally be a 2-minute trip, if you're just going to the coffee machine in the hallway). 

2. Don't expect the meeting to start on time

If you've set the meeting to start at 10 (which is by the way, the ideal time to start a business meeting in Italy), don't worry if people are still chatting outside the meeting room at 10.05. The first few times I called meetings in Italy, I'd arrive on time, and nobody else would be in the meeting room. I'd manage to corral a few people from the coffee machine, run out to get others on smoke break, and come back to find that the original ones had just popped out again (they saw their meeting colleagues at the coffee machine). If people don't wander in within the first 10 minutes, consider enlisting the managers' help in getting their teams into the meeting. Which brings us to...

3. Pay attention to hierarchy and titles

Know who the boss is, and treat them like the boss. In Italy this just means a level of respect: introduce yourself to them first (presuming you know who they are), make eye contact while discussing key points, and address important questions directly to that person.

4. Discussion is more important than making a decision

Americans, in general, like to make decisions and act on them as soon as possible after making them. Then if it turns out to be the wrong decision, Americans are very good at changing it, and acting right away on the new decision. (Italians are simultaneously annoyed by and in awe of this American skill, incidentally.) In general, Italians place a lot of value on thinking through an idea and discussing it thoroughly before, and maybe at the expense of, making a decision. So: decisions may not get made as quickly as you'd like. You may leave a meeting with no decision taken, and that's fine. If you've got the relationship, you can continue the conversation later. 

5. Have an agenda, but don't expect it to be followed

Having an agenda at an Italian business meeting is important because it will show that you've thought through the topic. But put items in order of priority in case you don't get through the whole agenda. During the meeting, it's important to let discussion flow (see #4 above). Expect to get off topic and run behind schedule. Take your cues from the Italian management at the meeting on when to get things back on topic. The rest of the agenda can be discussed over dinner, or by phone once you get home.

And most importantly, have fun if you can. Italians are proud of their country (as long as you don't talk about politics or the mafia) and want you to love it too. So ooh and ahh about as much as possible and be appreciative if they take you on any tourist outings. Enjoy the food, ask questions about the art and architecture, and don't worry about all the details you wanted to discuss. You can (say it with me) tie up the details after you get home. 

Coffee photo by Gret@Lorenz; Clock photo by Lepiaf.geo

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In Italy, Everyone Knows...

When I hear someone begin a sentence with "everyone knows...." my ears perk up. It's a great insight into culture and inevitably the start of an interesting conversation - as long as the topic is approached with curiosity and an open mind as opposed to a "you're crazy" comment, of course. Below I've listed five "Everyone knows" statements that had me very puzzled or surprised when I first heard them.

In Italy...

• ... everyone knows that getting a breeze on the back of your neck can make you sick (so always carry a scarf).

  

• ... everyone knows that cappuccino is only for breakfast (but don't fret, the barista will make one for you regardless of the hour).   
  

  

• ... everyone knows that showers are never taken immediately after eating. The blood will rush from your stomach, where it's needed to digest your food, to your limbs in order to keep them warm. The food will then become a hard mass in your stomach causing severe cramps. You could fall in the shower and hit your head. Ever wonder what those emergency cords (photo below) hanging in most Italian showers were for? Now you know.

    

• ... everyone knows that your quality of sleep is affected when the seasons change.  

  

• ... everyone knows that drinking ice-cold liquid is bad for your stomach. Consquence: water, and drinks in general are not served with ice and are often served at room temperature.

Have you got any to add, or disagree with any of the above? Please share in the Comments!

Photo of wheat in the breeze by Sabrina Campagna; Photo of shower emergency cord by Lime124

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The 5 Best Things to Do in Italy, Regardless of your Itinerary

It doesn't matter whether you're visiting Rome, Florence, and Venice or whether you're spending 2 weeks in the countryside; whether you're going to Italy in the height of summer or the middle of January; or whether you're museum-hopping or spending your entire visit on a bicycle. Use the checklist below on any trip to Italy for a more memorable experience. And if you've already been to Italy, how many of the items below can you check off?

1) Make time for the locals. When the taxi driver, barista, or other native Italian you meet strikes up a conversation, make time to chat. If they offer you a limoncello and ask how you're enjoying Italy, accept the drink, and tell them all the things you love about their country. A language barrier isn't an excuse - many Italians speak English and look for opportunties to practice. Of course, use your common sense: I wouldn't strike up a conversation on the street with someone who whistled or yelled "ciao, bella" at me.

2) Sit and observe.  Find a square, or piazza, the less touristy the better, and look around. What are people wearing? What shopping bags are they carrying? If you see families, how many kids are there on average, and who are their caregivers? What are the differences between people-watching in your hometown and here (fewer tattoos, fewer flip-flops, more crackberries?). If it's Sunday afternoon, why are people walking around with radios attached to their ears? (hint: soccer game). This is also a great place to pay attention to details around you, like the pattern of the cobblestones, the roofs of buildings, the lamp posts. 

Tip: If you can get a piece of paper and a pencil from the hotel, try to draw the scene. It doesn't matter if you think you can draw, and anyway you can throw it out when you're done. But the act of trying to draw it will make you observe the detail of what's in front of you more closely.

3) Focus on hand gestures and corresponding facial expressions. How many unique hand gestures can you count? If you want to study up before you go, have a look at this video.

4) Notice which foods are in season during your trip, and how they change from region to region if you're traveling around Italy. To accomplish this, go to a few outdoor markets or the produce section of a grocery store, read restaurant specials, or ask servers. If you order foods in season or see foods you're not used to at the market (like the persimmon in the photo above, perhaps) don't forget to take a photo.

5) Watch people driving cars and scooters (while you're walking, looking out your hotel window, in a car, or on the train). How many of these 10 Italian driving habits can you spot? Drivers also communicate with each other using hand gestures, so this is a good way to do #3, above.

Why This is Worth Your Time

Italy is one of the world's hottest tourist destinations, and you may feel at times that you're being herded through famous places like cattle. But pay attention to the items above, and you'll notice things that most tourists miss when their nose is in a guidebook or because they're rushing to the next itinerary stop. Plus it will enhance those "cattle" activities, put things into context, and give you many opportunities to connect with Italy in a meaningful way.

Photo of man by torremountain

Photo of plump persimmons by Kanko

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Make Time for the Locals

One of the best ways to get to know Italy is to get to know Italians, so if your waiter or barista or hotelier strikes up a conversation, I highly recommend making time for them. They are most likely not chatting with you in the name of Good Customer Service or because they want something from you (it took me quite a while to believe this but it's usually true). They really do just want to get to know you a little better.

The snap above is of the owner of La Vache Qui Rit restaurant in Torino. A friend and I had a fabulous dinner there and as we were leaving (at about 11 pm), the owner came over to say hello. We stood in the doorway for over an hour talking: about our meal, the recipes, beef in general, how his restaurant got started and how business was going, and (somehow) young people in Torino. Every 15 minutes or so, he would ask whether we wanted a limoncello or digestivo, and we kept declining, saying we really did need to get home. 

I don't really remember what else we did that day, or even what I ate at the restaurant, except that it was excellent. But I'm glad I made time during my visit to have that conversation. And of course whenever someone mentions they are going to Torino (Turin), I always recommend visiting La Vache Qui Rit.

Photo by Madeline